I've always felt that playing cards are one of the greatest entertainment inventions ever.  Simple and complex at the same time, with so many possibilities out of just fifty-two pieces of laminated paper.  Technically many of the games are just repeated variations on a theme.  Poker, bidding, rummy, drinking, solitaire, and fortune telling.  Since I had plenty of time to kill, I decided to run through every game I could think of.  And since I presume you also have time to kill, I’ll recount them all for you here.

Playing poker with yourself isn't exactly fun, since you really need to play the betting phase without seeing the cards of your competitors.  You can get away with a few of the games if you pretend you're at the casino and playing against the house.  Blackjack (I know, not poker, but gambling is close enough) is no problem since the house has specific rules.  Let It Ride, or 'Live Video Poker' as I call it, is also easy even though I couldn't remember the actual odds and payouts for any hand.  But then again, since I wasn't playing with myself for money, what did it matter?

Indian feather (put one card on your forehead--sight unseen--and bet on who has the high card) is the dumbest game ever invented, but I could see it coming in handy when I was going loco from lack of sleep, so I decided to save it for later.

Acey Deucey allowed me to amuse myself to see how long of a winning streak I could manage by correctly guessing if the drawn card would land in between the given range.  For the record, the best I managed as a pretty respectable twenty three in a row, almost always busting by calling an ace high and pulling a king or calling it low and pulling a two.

Bidding games were a challenge, as you really do need a competitor of some sort to make it work.  I decided to play honeymoon style on the deal for myself (look at the top card and either keep it or discard it and take the second one no matter what it is), and then randomly dealt a hand to my fake opponent out of the leftovers.  After making an aggressive bid, I'd play both hands open faced and alternate playing offense for points of defense by trying to set myself back with the other hand.  Played whist, spades, euchre and pitch this way for several hours.

Rummy was another lost cause.  Playing alone turns it into more of a solitaire game.  All of the cards are available, so you're going to take all of the points eventually.  I tried to jazz it up by burning a card each time I drew one, but that ended up being more confusing than anything else.  Gin Rummy was more exciting to play, as I wouldn't let myself pull from the face up pile and tried to set personal land speed records.  Very frustrating to hold a suited king and queen and wait for the winner with the missing Ace or Jack and kick yourself as you watch three or four sets of triples go by in quick succession.  Just when I started second guessing myself by thinking the card I needed went by and I missed it, I would dump the king and immediately pull the ace.  Can't win for losing...

War.  What is it good for?  Nothing.  Next.

Drinking games were out of the question as they tend to be more about the drinking than the strategic enjoyment of playing them, plus there was the small problem of not actually having anything to drink.  I know that didn’t stop me from trying my hand at the gambling games, but this was a different matter altogether.  A by the rulebook version of asshole may have been worth trying, but it's so associated with getting blasted in my mind that I just couldn't allow myself to cheapen it.  Besides, does anyone actually know the "real" rules to asshole? 

As long as I'm on the subject, this reminds me of the greatest drinking game of all time:  Sipsy Slam.  The ultimate "let's just get drunk" game there is, and not for the faint of heart.  Three cans of beer are opened and put in the middle of the table.  They represent the Ace, King, and Queen.  Everyone playing is dealt one card each, with nothing happening until someone gets a beer card.  Upon being dealt a beer card, you have to drink as much or as little of the corresponding beer as you want to (ie: sipsy).  However, if your card was the fourth card for that beer, you have to immediately drink all that remains (ie: slam).  There's a delicate balance involved where you want to have enough to drink on the early cards so that you aren't setting yourself up for a big one at the end. 

After all three beers are gone the round is over and the next round starts, but this time with four beers (Ace, King, Queen, Jack).  Each round the next card is added.  If you were ever able to finish you'd have thirteen beers in the final round, Aces through Twos.  I've never known a game to go past the Sixes, and my recollections tend to get hazy around the Eights.

The racket of the whistles and bells snapped me out of the trance of the daydream.  Again I didn't remember dozing off, though I do think I had a couple of head bobs, so the doctors must be playing it safe.  It had only been five hours so far.