"Just Like Starting Over"

a Quantum Leap story for LEAP BACK 2009

by Jacob LaCivita

Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Dr. Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator...and nothing happened.

His eyes were still closed when he felt the wind from the fans start to die down, and even from behind his eyelids he could tell the room was becoming a little less blue.  Sam lowered his outstretched arms to his sides and awoke to find himself trapped in the accelerator chamber.  Which could only mean one thing.

"Oh boy," mouthed Sam as his revelation set in.

He was home.

Before he could explore his feelings any further, the intercom crackled to life.

"I'm sorry Dr. Beckett.  Ziggy says we don't have enough power.  We'll have to do some reprogramming and try again tomorrow."

Tomorrow?  But...

The door to the chamber unlocked and automatically opened before the speaker was done with his announcement.  Sam rushed out of the room to greet him.

"Gooshie!"

"I'm sorry it didn't work Sam.  We'll get there though."

Didn't work?  Sam was confused.  He was still at the project and obviously hadn't leaped, but deep in the recesses of his swiss cheesed memory he felt he had.  Many times.  Around a hundred by his best count, maybe a few less.  It felt more like a homecoming than a failure, but...

"Sam?" Gooshie continued, interrupting his thought process.  There was concern in his voice.

"Um, sorry.  My mind was somewhere else.  Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How do you know I didn't leap?"

Gooshie pressed some oversized buttons on the large panel in front of him.  "Ziggy says we couldn't generate enough velocity, even with the reserve supply.  We simply need more power."

Sam cautiously explained his theory.

"But I think I did leap.  I remember it.  Not all of it, but parts of it.  I have this vague memory of God or Fate or Time taking hold of me to..." Sam hesitated when he saw the look Gooshie was giving him, but decided to finish anyways.  "...put right what once went wrong."

The programmer nodded and entered more data into the glowing computer console.  He scratched his cheek, then thoughtfully licked a finger and held it under his nose as if he were not so discretely checking his breath.  The computer whirred and hummed and clicked.  Then a female voice was heard over the intercom.

"Dr. Beckett.  With all due respect, there is an 89.9 percent chance that you are projecting a falsified reality brought on by wishful thinking and exposure to unstable quantum particles.  In other words: You're crazy." 

Good old Ziggy, snarky as ever.  Sam sighed.  Maybe they were right.

Gooshie had another explanation.

"You know your theory on how quantum leaping in time might have a negative impact on one's memory?"

"Yeah.  Like swiss cheese," said Sam.

"What if the accelerator were to have the opposite effect?  What if in actuality it implanted false memories?  Hallucinations, or lucid dreams.  As Ziggy pointed out, you were just hit with a large amount of radiation."

He had a point.  They hadn't fully worked out what the side effects of the accelerator would be.  Time travel was the desired result, but it was a little premature to be trying it out. 

Sam had one more idea.

"Where's Al?"

"Admiral Calavicci is on vacation with his wife and daughters.  They'll be back on Tuesday."

There was his proof!  Sam grabbed the little guy by the shoulders, forgetting about his bad breath in a wave of excitement.

"Beth!  Is he married to Beth?"

"Yes, the Admiral's wife is named Beth," replied Gooshie as he tried to slink away.  "Maybe you do have a swiss cheesed brain after all."

"No, I remember now.  That was me.  I kept Al and Beth together.  It worked!  I'm home!"

Gooshie tried to remain calm, but his facial expressions betrayed him. 

"I think I should go get Dr. Beeks..."

Sam pressed on.  "I remember something else too.  It wasn't God.  It was a bartender.  The guy who was leaping me was a bartender.  He said I could go home whenever I wanted.  And now I'm here..."

"I'm not trying to pry doctor, but I don't think it's a good idea to enter the accelerator chamber under the effects of alcohol regardless of what any bartender says.  I'm going to call Verbena.  Wait here."

=========

Dr. Verbena Beeks met with Sam in a small, colorless, windowless room on the grounds of the project.  It contained little more than a bench and an examination table.  In fact, everyone kept referring to it as "The Examination Room."  But Sam knew it by a different name.

"It's the waiting room," Sam explained again.  "This is where the person I leap into, well, waits until they return to their own time."

Dr. Beeks nodded as she wrote something down on the pad in front of her.  "Ok, Sam.  And how do you know the purpose of this room if you haven't been back to it for several years?"

"I did come back.  Just once, in 1999.  Or maybe it was '98, I don't remember exactly.  But Al talks about the waiting room all the time.  He tells me what's going on here sometimes, even though he's not technically supposed to do that."

"I see," said Verbena, making another note.  "I'll check with Admiral Calavicci on that alternate naming convention.  I'll also skip asking you the obvious question as to why there isn't anyone 'waiting' here right now.  But I would like you to answer this:  Do you remember who originally requested this room and named it the examination room?"

Sam thought about it for a minute.  He was certain that he knew what the room was actually called, but the origins were escaping him.  He decided to humor her.

"I don't remember.  Who?"

"You did, Sam.  You knew that the experiment could be dangerous and insisted that we have easy access to on-site medical care for any potential leaper.  Hence the examination room."

At least it made logical sense.  But that didn't mean it couldn't change under the right circumstances.  Sam exhaled in disappointment.

"You don't believe me, do you?"

The psychiatrist put down her notebook.  "Sam, I realize you're under a lot of pressure to show results or lose funding.  I want you to know that I believe in project Quantum Leap just as much as you do.  And my loyalty lies with you.  But as a doctor, I just can't go along with it.  This isn't a good way to prove your results.  I think you're either faking it, or you're delusional." 

Dr. Beeks paused for an extended beat before asking her next question.

"Are you sure you're not having trouble at home?"

"Trouble at home?" replied Sam, his offense to the accusation evident in his tone.

"With Donna.  The part of the story about how she left you at the alter but you fixed that while time traveling...are you sure it's not based on the truth?"

"My marriage is fine."

He answered immediately out of instinct, but deep down he really had no idea.  And he didn't want to know.  Donna was the reason he kept going.  For all those years and all those leaps, getting back home to her was why he did it.  His swiss cheesed memory may have made him forget their marriage while he bounced around in time, but he always remembered the leap where he opened up the possibility that they were together.  Exploring that possibility was what drove him to do what he had to do so he'd have a chance to return home.  Even the suggestion that he was wrong about that -- that he was delusional and his wife was actually the cause of the delusion rather than the solution -- it was... 

It was...

It was too reasonable not to consider, and that terrified Sam.

Beeks took on a softer tone.  "Go home Sam.  Take a couple days off.  Spend time with your wife.  Talk to her.  After that..."

"But I..."

"No buts.  Talk to Donna, then come see me again and we'll decide if I need to file this report or not.  Do we have a deal?"

There was no sense in arguing.  Besides, talking to Donna was the right thing to do.  With Al out of town she was his best bet.  If anyone would believe him it would be her.  And he hadn't seen her since...he didn't really know how long.

"I guess we have a deal."

=========

Sam stood in the darkened control room staring at the accelerator.  Gooshie had shut everything down and locked himself in a nearby office to work out new power-saving equations for Ziggy.  Sam was supposed to be in the locker room changing clothes before following doctor's orders and heading home to Donna, but he wasn't quite ready to leave.

Was it real, or was he crazy?  For the first time in his life (or at least the first time he could remember), Dr. Sam Beckett was having trouble separating real life from fantasy.  Although he had reluctantly agreed to the course of action suggested by Dr. Beeks, he still felt that more time at the project was better suited to jog his memory.  It didn't matter if he was right or wrong so long as he could know for sure either way.

A whooshing noise came from somewhere behind Sam, followed by a familiar voice.

"The old place hasn't changed a bit, eh?"

"Al?"  Sam knew who it was without turning around, but completed the pirouette anyways.  "Gooshie said you were on vacation."

"I guess you could call it that."

Sam was glad to see his friend.  Al would understand.  He approached him for a hug.  But just as he got his arms around him...they went right through his body.

"You're a hologram!"

"Of course I'm a hologram.  What did you expect?"

"So it all really happened?"

"I'm just glad it still is happening.  We never thought we'd see you again.  It's been nearly 10 years since we last had contact with you."

"I've been leaping for 10 years?"

"You've been leaping for nearly 14.  It's been 10 since I last saw you outside that bar."

Al had pulled a new handlink out of his pocket while he spoke.  It was slimmer and sleeker than Sam remembered.  It also didn't seem to have any buttons, but Al had no problem navigating it as he tapped and dragged his fingers along the glass facade of the device.

"10 years?  But everyone's acting like I never left.  Am I really back at the beginning?"

Al continued to dance his fingertips across the touchscreen.  He then turned the device 90 degrees so it was longer than it was tall and began to read.

"Slightly before the beginning actually.  Tonight is the night you leap for the very first time.  How 'bout that?  Usually when you go missing we look for you on your birthday.  We never thought of checking our anniversary."

"Tonight?"  Sam was perplexed.  "I've been missing for 10 years, but now I've leapt into before I ever leaped to begin with?"

"That's what Ziggy says.  She also says that 'missing' might be the wrong word.  It took us 10 years to find you, but for you it could have been instantaneous."  His ran his finger across the touchscreen, stopping to squint at something.  "Oh.  She also says she's sorry she called you crazy, and forgives you for triggering her override function."

Sam laughed at the apology, but couldn't figure out the next part.  "Override function?  When did I do that?"

Al slapped the side of the handlink.  "Don't dwell on it.  You know how hard it is to get Ziggy to apologize for anything with her ego.  You take what you can get."

Sam steered the conversation back to the topic at hand.  "A 10 year difference?  How could that be?"

"Don't look at me.  You're the scientist.  I just repeat what Ziggy says when it comes to this time travel mumbo jumbo."

"Wow."  Sam beamed.  "I guess if I were to come home this would make the most sense.  I've been time traveling within my own lifetime, so I'd return to my life exactly where I left off from."

"Ziggy's a little out of practice after taking 10 years off, but she'll figure out why you're here soon enough.  The important thing is that she found you."

"Why I'm here?  I'm here because my work is done.  I'm home."

Al gives his friend a solemn look, not wanting to spoil his return so soon.

"We don't know that for sure Sam," cautioned the Observer.  He decided to change the subject.  "But I'm not gonna let you get away again.  Do you remember anything about where you were?  Or how you made it on your own?  I mean, you'd never be able to handle a leap without me."  The hologram winked at the long lost leaper.

Sam smiled at his ally, relieved that he wasn't crazy.  He remembered all the times Al had saved his bacon over the years.  Teaching him how to play pool, or how to box, or the lyrics to a song, or a dance move, or how to fly a plane.  How he'd appear out of nowhere to yell out to him whenever there was danger lurking, giving him just a few second head start that so often made all the difference.

How could he get by without him?  But the bartender said it was going to get harder, and then he leaped alone.  Just one time...

"I," Sam started.  "I was at that bar.  And he gave me a choice.  And then I was with Beth.  And now I'm here."

"You were with Beth?"

Al asked the question, but it was mostly rhetorical.  Of course he was with Beth.  How else would Beth have known to wait for him?  And why else would Al have two sets of memories, one where he left a pile of wives in his wake, and another as a committed husband and father?  It also explained why Beth never complained when Al had to cancel their plans at the last minute to spend time in the imaging chamber helping Sam.  She knew.  He knew too, even if he never admitted it before now.  He answered his own question with a simple show of gratitude.

"Thank you."

"No, thank you," replied Sam.  "How did you find me?"

"This is gonna sound crazy, Sam.  Even I was beginning to doubt we'd ever find you.  They scaled back the project in 2002 after we lost contact.  Ziggy was repurposed to balance the federal budget.  They turned her into a glorified calculator.  But..."

A musical number suddenly interrupted the Observer's story.  Sam scanned the room to find the source of the sound but couldn't place it.  Al looked at the handlink with renewed interest.

"Excuse me a minute."

He tapped the screen and held the device to his ear.

"Hello.  Yes, I'm with him.  No, I haven't had a chance yet.  What?  I can't use Ziggy and talk to you at the same time.  Ok, I'll tell him.  How much time do we have?  That's all?  Ok.  Send the updates to my iPhone.  Thanks."

Al removed the handlink/phone from his ear and started tapping the screen again, this time in earnest.  Sam stared on in wide eyed wonder.

"Sorry about that," said Al.  "Where was I when Sammy Jo called?"

"Was that Sammy Jo, as in my daughter?"

"The one and only.  She reminds me of you, only smarter and cuter."

"Al!"

"Hey, just telling it like it is.  I've been a married man for a long time, but I can still observe."

Sam dropped his objection.  "How is she?"

"She's great Sam.  She's the one who got Ziggy set up on this after they tried to shut us down."  Al held up the new handlink just long enough for Sam to notice a logo in the shape of an apple on the back.  "Or not really on this; it just talks to her over the Internet.  Sammy Jo left a small dormant partition alive on the government mainframe so Ziggy could scan for you with any idle processing power.  It kept the project alive at a fraction of the cost.  Good thing she talked them into it.  We finally got a hit when you were right under her nose, and here we are."

"What did she want you to tell me?  Is it about why I'm here?"

The smile dropped from Al's face.

"Not exactly..."

"What then?"

"She doesn't know why you're here, but she and Ziggy agree on what you need to do."

Sam dropped his shoulders.  "What's the difference?"

Al took a moment to ponder the best way to give his friend the news, eventually deciding to just blurt it out.

"You're here to leap."

"Leap?  I just got back.  I'm staying."

"I know you want to stay, and God knows you deserve to.  But everything you're staying for won't be here if you do."

"Why not?"

"You leapt into yourself a few hours before you ever leapt to begin with.  Now if you don't leap, it's like none of it ever happened."  Al starts waving his arms to emphasize his point.  "That means no you and Donna, no me and Beth, no Sammy Jo."

Sam stops him.  "And Tom..."

"Yes.  Tom too.  Everyone you've helped..."

"It isn't fair!  I do..."

Sam stopped mid-sentence as the Admiral's holographic image started to flicker and scramble, fading in and out.

"Al, are you okay?  What's happening?"

Al looked down at himself as the interference stabilized.  He checked the handlink.

"If you don't get in that accelerator in the next six minutes, Ziggy says there's a 99% chance you'll undo all the good you've already done."

The gravity of the situation finally hit him, making Sam feel guilty for his selfish thoughts from moments before.  He heard a voice in his head:

"The lives you touched, touched others.  And those lives, others.  You've done a lot of good, Sam Beckett.  And you can do a lot more."

He shook his head as the memory played out, wanting to be mad but unable to hold back a grin.  A laugh escaped from his chest.

"What, what?" asked Al.

"He knew.  The bartender.  He knew I'd keep going.  He was just sending me here to show me it was alright.  That the wrongs I righted for you, for me, and for everyone else were actually working.  And they'll keep working as long as I do."

"I don't know who this bartender is, but he sounds like a smart guy."

"Thanks Al.  And thank Sammy Jo too."

"I will."

"And Donna..."

"Just go Sam.  We don't have time for this.  Just remember that..."

The hologram abruptly disappeared, as if he'd never been there to begin with.  Sam stared at the empty space for a moment, and knew what he had to do.

=========

Sam turns on the lights and approaches Ziggy's primary console.  He brings the accelerator online, lighting up the entire panel and maxing out all of the levels.  Ziggy voices her objection to his methodology.

"Dr. Beckett, now is not the time to..."

"I don't want to hear it Ziggy.  This was your idea.  Or at least it will be."

"My idea?  Doctor, I'm instituting the shutdown procedure..."

"No you won't.  I built you, and I can override you."

"But Dr. Beckett..."

Sam hits a button, silencing the voice of the know-it-all parallel hybrid computer.  He continues to bring the systems online, pumping each of them up to full capacity in sequence.

In the midst of this, Gooshie emerges from his office.  Ziggy must have paged him once the override was triggered.

"Dr. Beckett?  What are you doing?"

Sam answers without even turning around, still heavily focused on what had to be done.

"Taking matters into my own hands.  Tonight I leap."

"Did Dr. Beeks clear you for further activity?"

"No.  But Beeks doesn't realize how important this is."

"Is Ziggy even ready?  You can't just shut her down..."

"Goodbye Gooshie.  I've got a right to keep right."

Sam runs down the hallway into the accelerator chamber while Gooshie stares dumbfounded after him.  The safety door slams shut, shocking the programmer into action.  The power levels are up so high that blue, smokey light bleeds out of the sealed accelerator chamber and into the control room.  It whips past Gooshie in streaming gusts as he tries to shut down the controls, but he realizes it's no use.  Sam has locked him out of making any changes.  All he can do is stand and watch.

A light flashes in the lower right hand corner of the console, indicating an incoming communication.  Gooshie drapes a narrow headset over his left ear and answers the call.

"Control ... He's leaping!  Ziggy said no, but Sam's leaping! ... Tell Sam that! ... I can't, he's in the accelerator! ... Al!  Al!  What do I do?"

THE END

(Or was it the beginning?)